I went to the dentist yesterday for the first time in twelve years. Sounds absurd, I know, but from the time I got out of the Navy in 1994 up until just a couple years ago, I never had any money for things like my teeth, or my general health for that matter...and I never learned to read!

Anyway, the dental hygienist who cleaned my teeth yesterday is probably having nightmares about it tonight. I'm sure stories will circulate around Dr. Nichols' office for days to come. At one point I thought she may have to get a hammer and chisel to remove the thick layers of calcified tartar on the back of my teeth. She worked with the equipment she had on hand, however, and managed to chip and scrape furiously for what seemed like hours as debris flew in every direction. I thought they were going to charge me extra. How embarrassing.

I have to say that I was impressed in the end with the condition of my teeth and the way they looked when I left. They're super clean and it turns out I have only one small cavity on the top of one of my bottom teeth (#20 as I believe it's known to dentists). In about two weeks they'll drill that out and fill it with one of those white composite fillings and I'll be good to go. Now I'm all into compulsively tonguing the back of my teeth to feel how smooth they are. I even went and bought one of those whitening kits at CVS.

Clean bill of health and now clean teeth too. I'm on a roll.